Boost Your Own Self-Esteem by The Sunday Times
Summary
Boost Your Self-Esteem offers a practical and psychologically grounded guide to improving self-worth by consistently aligning with personal values, challenging limiting beliefs, and adopting positive thinking habits. The book distinguishes between low and high self-esteem traits, exploring their origins, consequences, and potential remedies.
Drawing on real-world scenarios and behavioural psychology, the authors provide tools for breaking free from destructive self-talk, releasing the grip of past mistakes, and building resilience against criticism, rejection, and manipulation. The focus is on proactive self-care, setting achievable goals, and cultivating unconditional self-acceptance.
Key Insights
Foundations of self-esteem — Built on how consistently you live according to your values and on the behaviour of others toward you.
Traits of high self-esteem — Resilience after setbacks, optimism, independence, assertiveness, honesty, and openness to new experiences.
Causes of low self-esteem — Threatening or abusive behaviour, unfair criticism, humiliation, rejection, betrayal, bullying, excessive stress, and major life setbacks.
Self-destructive patterns — Taking undue blame, dismissing successes as luck, unhealthy comparisons, seeking validation, and replaying past mistakes.
Releasing the past — Set a “sell-by date” on mistakes, extract lessons learned, and avoid exaggerating the importance of awkward events.
Guarding self-talk — Replace self-belittling with positive affirmations such as “I believe in my ability to succeed” or “I am calm and in control.”
Be your own best friend — Offer yourself the same forgiveness, acceptance, and reasonable expectations you give others.
Goals — Make them active and controllable (“demonstrate I can work at a higher level”), not passive (“get promoted” or “win the lottery”).
Visualisation — The brain responds to imagined success; pair mental images of confidence with a physical gesture to reinforce the feeling.
Reframing setbacks — Even in adverse situations, look for positives; change your response to events to change their impact.
Enabling beliefs — Replace “I’m ugly/stupid/incompetent” with “I’m loved, capable, and valued.”
Strengths
Balanced coverage of both psychological roots and practical remedies for low self-esteem.
Structured contrasts between low and high self-esteem behaviours make self-assessment easy.
Emphasis on unconditional self-acceptance avoids tying worth to external outcomes.
Offers actionable tools like affirmations, visualisation, and “sell-by dates” for mistakes.
Weaknesses
Some advice is familiar from other self-help books, offering less novelty to seasoned readers.
Lacks in-depth exploration of systemic factors that can affect self-esteem.
Examples are sometimes general rather than personalised case studies.
Reflections
The book’s focus on living consistently with values is powerful—self-esteem is strengthened when behaviour aligns with inner standards, regardless of others’ opinions. The idea of a “sell-by date” for past mistakes is a simple yet effective tool for moving on without denial.
I also value the distinction between laughing at oneself (healthy) and belittling oneself (toxic). The advice to treat oneself as a best friend, offering the same patience, encouragement, and forgiveness, is one of the most practical takeaways.
Conclusion
Boost Your Self-Esteem is a clear, supportive, and practical manual for anyone seeking to build confidence and self-worth. By combining mindset shifts, behaviour changes, and simple psychological techniques, it equips readers to escape the cycle of self-criticism and to create a more positive, resilient self-image. Its core message, that self-esteem is a daily practice rooted in values and self-respect, makes it both relevant and actionable.
Book Details
Title: Boost Your Own Self-Esteem
Author: The Sunday Times
Publication Year: 2002
Genre: Self-Esteem
Reference: Skylark Vol. 4, p. 87
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