Beating Anger by Mike Fisher  

Summary

Mike Fisher’s Beating Anger presents an eight-point plan to understand, control, and reduce the destructive impact of anger. Drawing on years of counselling experience, Fisher explains how to prevent and manage outbursts, as well as addressing the deeper beliefs and fears that fuel them.

The book makes a vital distinction between feeling anger and expressing anger. Anger is a natural emotion, but it becomes damaging when expressed destructively, especially since the speaker may recover in minutes, while the recipient can carry the wounds for years. Fisher’s approach emphasises responsibility, self-awareness, and a shift from destructive reactions to constructive responses.

Key Insights

Anger often stems from a perceived threat—real or imagined—linked to the past, present, or future.

Many outbursts are projections of our own shame, fears, or negative self-beliefs.

All behaviour is learned; we distort reality to fit our worldview and make assumptions about others’ intentions.

Five faces of anger:

  1. Caring – anger at injustice or wrongdoing.

  2. Self-diminishing – self-hatred and internalised rage.

  3. NOMS – using anger to mask hurt, fear, or shame.

  4. Unrealistic – refusal to accept the world as it is. 

  5. Addictive – deriving pleasure or energy from being angry.

Anger is a drug—temporarily relieving pain but causing long-term harm.

Inconsistent or threatening behaviour makes others fearful.

Public anger can humiliate both the target and the perpetrator.

Anger damages relationships, undermines respect, and harms physical health.

Anger is not always loud. Fisher lists subtle, equally damaging forms:

Silent treatment

Sarcasm and “under-the-breath” put-downs

Gossip

Provoking aggression then acting patronising

Emotional blackmail and tears

Withholding information

Being deliberately late

Feigning incompetence

In contrast to passive aggression, assertive behaviour is:

Direct, open, honest, clear

Honourable, principled, and fair

Persistent and consistent

Guided by courage, empathy, kindness, and forgiveness

Fisher identifies four main triggers:

  1. Personal failure – missing deadlines, losing jobs, making mistakes.
  2. Personal invasion – insults, property damage, rudeness.
  3. Inner self-defiance – shame-driven rebellion.
  4. Projection – attributing our own flaws to others.

Other contributors include unmet primary needs (love, trust, respect), power struggles, revenge, and testing others’ affection through rudeness.

Trauma is an unprocessed shock with a lasting effect, often leading to sudden mood swings, social withdrawal, or overreactions.

Past trauma can feed present-day anger.

Recognising trauma’s role allows for more compassionate self-understanding.

Fisher offers practical techniques, such as the FLOW method:

F – Focus on deep breathing

L – Listen and learn

O – See the Objective (their point of view)

W – Wait until calm before responding

Other tools:

Avoid speaking in the heat of the moment.

Count backwards from 21 to 1.

Replace “should” with “I would prefer” or “I could try”.

Avoid generalisations like “always” or “never”.

Use respectful language even when confronting rudeness.

View anger as “by appointment only”.

Practical steps to reduce situational anger:

Keep your environment calm and tidy.

Allow extra time for journeys.

Know your route before leaving.

Show courtesy—strength, not weakness.

Avoid provoking or punishing other drivers.

Leave enforcement to the police.

Fisher categorises four manipulative control roles:

  1. The Intimidator – uses fear to dominate.
  2. The Interrogator – asks loaded questions to induce guilt or shame.
  3. The Poor Me – manipulates through victimhood.
  4. The Distancer – controls by withdrawal and silence.

Strengths

Useful for anyone struggling with personal anger management.

People in high-stress roles where conflict is frequent.

Counsellors or mediators seeking practical tools for clients.

Reflections

Fisher’s book is refreshingly practical while rooted in deep psychological insight. Its real strength lies in combining clear behavioural guidelines (like avoiding certain words and adopting better listening habits) with an exploration of deeper causes such as shame, projection, and childhood trauma. The emphasis on choice, that happiness and respectful conduct are decisions, not accidents, is empowering.

A striking takeaway is Fisher’s blunt observation: if I realised how I looked when I was angry, I wouldn’t do it. The self-image shift from seeing anger as power to seeing it as weakness or foolishness is a powerful motivator for change.

The eight-point plan is not a quick fix. As Fisher says, you can’t solve anger by reading a book; you have to apply and practise. This is both an honest admission and a challenge to the reader.

Conclusion

Beating Anger is a thorough, compassionate, and no-nonsense guide for anyone who recognises anger as a problem in their life, whether as a habitual outburst, a subtle form of manipulation, or a silent, passive resentment. Fisher blends hard truths with hope: change is possible, but it demands effort, self-discipline, and a willingness to see oneself.

General Gordon of Khartoum said that men were not normally bad; they were more often stupid and frightened.

Book Details

Title: Beating Anger: The Eight-Point Plan for Coping with Rage
Author: Mike Fisher
Publication Year: 2005
Genre: Mike Fisher
Reference: Skylark Vol. 4, p. 66

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