Anthony Abbott

Summary

How long does one need to work in an office to realise that not everyone is pleasant, cooperative, fair, or just? There are predators. Some people actively seek out victims. Some are cruel simply for the sake of it. And they’re not always timid cowards who crumble when challenged — many are vicious, cunning, and underhanded, ready to exploit anyone they can. I wish this weren’t true. But it is. Welcome to the real world.

Simon’s goal is to equip us to handle these predators. He shows how to recognise their tactics—from shaming and guilt-tripping to feigning victimhood—how to label their conduct, and ultimately, how to overcome them.

This book doesn’t make for happy reading, but it is necessary reading.

Key Insights

Simon offers plentiful examples of how the office predator disguises their activity. He — and more often than people care to admit, she — frequently operates behind a façade of charm and affability. These individuals are skilled at appearing reasonable even while acting with calculated malice. They may provoke a colleague into anger, then adopt a tone of calm superiority, urging them to “calm down” and drawing attention to the other person’s loss of composure. In doing so, they deflect scrutiny from their own behaviour and shift the spotlight onto their target’s reaction.

A key strength of the book is Simon’s clarity in identifying and naming these manipulative tactics. He exposes strategies that many victims have felt but struggled to articulate: the veiled threat, the feigned innocence, minimisation, selective omission, and the strategic playing of the victim. In giving language and structure to these behaviours, Simon provides readers with a vital toolset for resistance and recovery.

It reminds me of Design Patterns by the Gang of Four. That book gave software developers a shared vocabulary for recognising recurring solutions in code. Simon does something similar for psychological abuse: by naming the patterns, he empowers readers to recognise, discuss, and ultimately defend against them.

Strengths

Simon’s key strength lies in clarity — both in language and in example. This is not a turgid, over-theorised book. It is clear, accessible, and filled with examples drawn from everyday life: workplaces, relationships, even casual encounters. The tactics described are easy to recognise once named, and Simon’s explanations are simple without being simplistic.

The book’s impact lies in its precision. Readers often come away thinking, Yes — that’s exactly what happened to me, but I didn’t have the words for it. Simon’s real gift is in making the covert overt. He shows how manipulators twist language, feign innocence, provoke reactions, and use social norms against their victims. This clarity empowers readers to recognise abuse for what it is — and to respond effectively.

Weaknesses

If the book has a weakness, it’s that Simon might have gone further in showing readers how to respond in real time. While he provides many examples of manipulative behaviour, there are fewer worked examples of effective comebacks or strategies that can be deployed under pressure.

In my own experience, I’ve learned to prepare stock responses for situations where I feel pressured — particularly by salesmen. One technique I use is to invent a wife. If I’m being pushed into a quick decision, I say, “I’ll be in trouble with my wife if I spend this kind of money without telling her first.” On one occasion, the salesman challenged me — “Well, who wears the trousers?” — to which I replied, “It’s her money as well as mine that I’m spending.” That shut things down instantly. Having a prepared response gives me time and space to think.

Another simple yet powerful technique is the “broken record”: calmly repeating the same sentence over and over until the aggressor backs off. “No, I’m not comfortable with that.” Or “I need time to think.” No escalation, no anger — just firm, steady refusal. Simon could have strengthened his book by offering more of this kind of practical toolkit: phrases, strategies, and scripts to help people defuse coercive situations calmly and firmly.

Reflections

As someone of a quiet disposition and physically unimpressive, I have more than once found myself the target of the office bully — an experience that is as unpleasant as it is disorienting. I can therefore relate closely to many of the situations Simon describes. What this book offers, above all, is clarity: the ability to recognise and name abusive behaviour for what it is. That alone is empowering.

Being able to label the tactics — manipulation, guilt-tripping, feigned innocence — allows me to detach emotionally and respond more effectively. The bully rarely changes. But once you stop being an easy target, they often lose interest and go looking for someone else. That is not justice — but it is, at least, a reprieve.

Conclusion

This is not a pleasant topic—but it is a necessary one. Life, and especially office life, is not always fair or civil. There are people who exploit others for gain or amusement, and we do ourselves no favours by pretending otherwise. Learning basic office self-defence has become an unfortunate necessity. Simon makes a good fist of teaching it. His book offers clarity, vocabulary, and practical strategies for holding your ground. It won’t make the predators disappear—but it will make you harder to hunt.

Book Details

Title: In Sheep’s Clothing
Author: George K. Simon Jr., PhD
Publication Year: 1996
Genre: Social Skills
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